I woke up tonight.
It was as if I’d been in some sort of daze for the past several years. Call it trauma, distraction, selfishness, or delusion. Whatever the case may be…I forgot.
I forgot that YOU
ARE my galaxy.
I forgot that I need no others to remind me of my worth.
You love me and call me your unquestionable hero.
I don’t know why you do this.
I fail you time and time and time again, but you love me. From the moment you were expected I dreamed of who you would be. When you came into the light I was overcome with so many thoughts, feelings, and emotions, that my mind could barely maintain sanity. I can’t remember a moment when you weren’t here in my heart.
And yet, I forgot.
When the fragile structure of our world seemed to implode I felt a feeling that masked itself as freedom.
It was not.
It was in fact the call of the typical. The tug of mediocrity. The tantalization of fear. An existence which I knew, from my youth, I could never endure.
Yet here you’ve been the whole time, a grand adventure waiting to be experienced.
I can’t believe I forgot.
I’ve been doing this crazy workout. It’s gone on, unbeknownst to me, for most of my life. It’s all resistance based with incremental changes in tension. Sometimes there are drastic changes as well.
At first I just struggled…pushing, pulling, straining in any way I could in order to just get past it so I could call it done. I loathed every part of it.
Recently though I’ve discovered that if I approach each new level of challenge with the knowledge that it’s strengthening me and is therefore not just something to be completed, but something to work through and feel in it’s entirety; the benefit is a much more enduring strength. I never used to care about strength. I even hated comments about how much of it I possessed.
Now I see that there
is great beauty in a strength that doesn’t come from simply crushing obstacles or resisting tensions, but instead, from contemplating the challenge and embracing the burn of the muscle, the inhale and exhale of good strong cleansing breaths, the toxins being expelled, and the steady strength being expounded upon.
I don’t know what today’s workout will entail, but I’m ready to meet the challenge with peaceful gratitude.